My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
