We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When are your genitals available?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
