Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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