the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
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I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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