dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
