You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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