Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize