**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
