I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize