take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
