My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
