Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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