I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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