I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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