Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
