woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
