It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
