walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
