idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
