the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
