sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
