I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
