just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
