Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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