best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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