my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
