you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
