yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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