I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
