Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The air was thick with penises
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
