Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
