As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
