now i know why i became what i already was.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
