My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
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I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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