are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
