Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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