I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
