I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
