yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
