I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
