with your own penis?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
