Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
