She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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