I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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