Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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