Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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