I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
