i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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