That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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