The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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