I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize