90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
