I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
