I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Welp...herpes.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
