Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
