college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
