Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
