I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
