Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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